I could not love this more. I kind of reverse engineered the process. I had my children first and transitioned my parenting/housekeeping skills into the world of business and advocacy. But either way this is the future! I love it!
This is fascinating. One thing I note is that there seems to be a lot of sharing of goods back and forth here -- sharing skills, transferring pay, offering empathy and mentorship. One needs to have these goods to make it work -- especially money and, even if not money, people in the community who want more connection. I try to imagine how to apply this to my own situation, and I come up against all sorts of obstacles, even walls: I tried to set up a babysitting swap years ago and had no takers; I don't have the cash for babysitters and am not sure how to get it; the co-ops seemed to cause more stress than they are worth.
So I wonder how to fine-tune this when resources (financial, community, energy) are lower. Are there ways of improving resourcing when one is "going it alone," or of community-building when one's basic community is not interested in sharing of childcare and work? In some ways its now a moot point for me, as my older kids are old enough to babysit...but it was a major obstacle for years and years. (We've been homeschooling for a decade now.)
Thinking more on this, I'm wondering if I'm just not noticing opportunities/people who could help. Jesse says some women are very good at this noticing -- not just noticing who needs help (I think I'm pretty good at this), but who might be able to help. I wonder how one develops this skill?
I think there are a number of factors at play. I've had amazing opportunities line up in my life, but found it difficult to tell people how to repeat these for themselves.
1. Building and growing a big (and diverse in age and life stage) shared-values community
2. Working to really get to know the people in that community and what their goals or dreams are and how you can help them (how they might help you often pops up while you're helping them)
3. Timing. Which is out of our control!
Example:
I help edit people's resumes, as a side gig. I was working on a resume for one of my best friends, who was applying to be a part time manager at a craft store. I was very pregnant and still on the wait-list for the daycare we were looking into. My husband was in grad school and we hadn't figured out a backup daycare plan yet.
As I typed about her experience with children and crafts, I said, "Wait, would you consider nannying for us instead?" And she did! And for 2.5 years, I worked full time (dropped to 32 hours at my engineering job), my mom (who had just moved to live near us after years of me trying to convince her) watched my child one day a week and my friend watched my child three days a week. It was incredible for my daughter and for my whole family! And my friend saved her nannying money and went to hair salon school and now is a hair stylist at the fanciest salon in town. (She's so sweet and an actual saint, that salon is so lucky to have her!)
Then I had other Catholic working moms ask me about if anyone in the community might nanny for them, even one day a week, and even though I know a ton of people, I couldn't find anyone for them. The people I had known who were in between jobs or undecided about what to do for a season had all committed to something and weren't available. Those moms didn't have family as local as I did by then and they couldn't change their work schedule like I was able to.
Anna Kendrick, when asked her advice on how to get into acting, said, "Uh, go back in time and be six and get cast on Broadway...?" Since that's what worked for her. Sometimes I feel like that when someone wants to duplicate things I've done.
Probably not a satisfying answer, but it is worth trying to build community and remember names (and ask "what do you need prayers for?"), because sometimes one thing you're looking for doesn't work out, but you stumble on some other great benefit of the community you grew along the way.
This is such a good framing - “one needs … money or people in the community who want more connection” and so interesting because in new york i feel like i often come up against others with the opposite problem. Many people have been so constrained by their urge to exchange money that they miss out on simple connections with their upstairs or downstairs neighbors who would love to come over for a cup of tea regularly and keep a second pair of eyes on the house / kids while they putter around. I hope to tackle this more because I think both constraints are very tough!
Really enjoyed this article…although I have never considered myself “ambitious” or “entrepreneurial” in the business sense (I have far more ambitions regarding home and family education than I ever did about my career), I have spent enough time in the SF bay area to enjoy the application of VC jargon to keeping the home & educating the kids !
It really is life-changing when you make that first family connection (like the art teacher described in the article) that blooms fruitfully and starts saving you so much household management effort. I tutor Latin to a homeschooling family with several tween/teen kids and they do tons of odd jobs and childcare for me…I have tutored Latin to many kids and hired many babysitters that were purely contractual relationships that did not pan out this way but boy, does it make a difference when it does!
I’m so glad it resonated with you. I really think the two have so much overlap when framed with similar goals and values and it’s a travesty they’ve been so artificially separated. And it’s such a joy to cultivate life giving relationships like that!
What a great interview! I love these takes. I totally agree on not focusing on "minimalism" in life. My life is more rich because I'm meeting people every week and trading phone numbers and inviting them to dinner. And some won't take me up on it, but some will! When we moved here we knew zero people in this city, now I send 260 Christmas cards! Our biggest Friday dinner to date had 40 adults and 10 kids, luckily it was summer, so we could spill out of our little house and into the yard. God always makes everyone fit and the food stretch somehow! "Simplicity" just isn't my focus.
I have a lot of irons in the fire and I amuse myself by thinking, "I'm running a lot of cons" like Ocean's Eleven. When I'm volunteering to listen to God with children at my parish or coordinating bringing a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd formation to my city, those people might not know I'm also hosting dinners (though if I get to know them they'll be invited!), and a number of dinner guests don't know I'm an electrical engineer and I worked on military communications systems and product development... As St. Paul talked about, all things to all people!
This is such a fascinating approach to home-making! Really love what you say about screens -- I've said to Andy that I'd like our kids to first see movies at the theater as a family so that they learn it is a rare and community-centered activity. So many other great nuggets in this!
I could not love this more. I kind of reverse engineered the process. I had my children first and transitioned my parenting/housekeeping skills into the world of business and advocacy. But either way this is the future! I love it!
This is fascinating. One thing I note is that there seems to be a lot of sharing of goods back and forth here -- sharing skills, transferring pay, offering empathy and mentorship. One needs to have these goods to make it work -- especially money and, even if not money, people in the community who want more connection. I try to imagine how to apply this to my own situation, and I come up against all sorts of obstacles, even walls: I tried to set up a babysitting swap years ago and had no takers; I don't have the cash for babysitters and am not sure how to get it; the co-ops seemed to cause more stress than they are worth.
So I wonder how to fine-tune this when resources (financial, community, energy) are lower. Are there ways of improving resourcing when one is "going it alone," or of community-building when one's basic community is not interested in sharing of childcare and work? In some ways its now a moot point for me, as my older kids are old enough to babysit...but it was a major obstacle for years and years. (We've been homeschooling for a decade now.)
Thoughts?
Thinking more on this, I'm wondering if I'm just not noticing opportunities/people who could help. Jesse says some women are very good at this noticing -- not just noticing who needs help (I think I'm pretty good at this), but who might be able to help. I wonder how one develops this skill?
I think there are a number of factors at play. I've had amazing opportunities line up in my life, but found it difficult to tell people how to repeat these for themselves.
1. Building and growing a big (and diverse in age and life stage) shared-values community
2. Working to really get to know the people in that community and what their goals or dreams are and how you can help them (how they might help you often pops up while you're helping them)
3. Timing. Which is out of our control!
Example:
I help edit people's resumes, as a side gig. I was working on a resume for one of my best friends, who was applying to be a part time manager at a craft store. I was very pregnant and still on the wait-list for the daycare we were looking into. My husband was in grad school and we hadn't figured out a backup daycare plan yet.
As I typed about her experience with children and crafts, I said, "Wait, would you consider nannying for us instead?" And she did! And for 2.5 years, I worked full time (dropped to 32 hours at my engineering job), my mom (who had just moved to live near us after years of me trying to convince her) watched my child one day a week and my friend watched my child three days a week. It was incredible for my daughter and for my whole family! And my friend saved her nannying money and went to hair salon school and now is a hair stylist at the fanciest salon in town. (She's so sweet and an actual saint, that salon is so lucky to have her!)
Then I had other Catholic working moms ask me about if anyone in the community might nanny for them, even one day a week, and even though I know a ton of people, I couldn't find anyone for them. The people I had known who were in between jobs or undecided about what to do for a season had all committed to something and weren't available. Those moms didn't have family as local as I did by then and they couldn't change their work schedule like I was able to.
Anna Kendrick, when asked her advice on how to get into acting, said, "Uh, go back in time and be six and get cast on Broadway...?" Since that's what worked for her. Sometimes I feel like that when someone wants to duplicate things I've done.
Probably not a satisfying answer, but it is worth trying to build community and remember names (and ask "what do you need prayers for?"), because sometimes one thing you're looking for doesn't work out, but you stumble on some other great benefit of the community you grew along the way.
This is such a good framing - “one needs … money or people in the community who want more connection” and so interesting because in new york i feel like i often come up against others with the opposite problem. Many people have been so constrained by their urge to exchange money that they miss out on simple connections with their upstairs or downstairs neighbors who would love to come over for a cup of tea regularly and keep a second pair of eyes on the house / kids while they putter around. I hope to tackle this more because I think both constraints are very tough!
Really enjoyed this article…although I have never considered myself “ambitious” or “entrepreneurial” in the business sense (I have far more ambitions regarding home and family education than I ever did about my career), I have spent enough time in the SF bay area to enjoy the application of VC jargon to keeping the home & educating the kids !
It really is life-changing when you make that first family connection (like the art teacher described in the article) that blooms fruitfully and starts saving you so much household management effort. I tutor Latin to a homeschooling family with several tween/teen kids and they do tons of odd jobs and childcare for me…I have tutored Latin to many kids and hired many babysitters that were purely contractual relationships that did not pan out this way but boy, does it make a difference when it does!
I also had some very formative experiences tutoring Latin with different families <3
I’m so glad it resonated with you. I really think the two have so much overlap when framed with similar goals and values and it’s a travesty they’ve been so artificially separated. And it’s such a joy to cultivate life giving relationships like that!
What a great interview! I love these takes. I totally agree on not focusing on "minimalism" in life. My life is more rich because I'm meeting people every week and trading phone numbers and inviting them to dinner. And some won't take me up on it, but some will! When we moved here we knew zero people in this city, now I send 260 Christmas cards! Our biggest Friday dinner to date had 40 adults and 10 kids, luckily it was summer, so we could spill out of our little house and into the yard. God always makes everyone fit and the food stretch somehow! "Simplicity" just isn't my focus.
I have a lot of irons in the fire and I amuse myself by thinking, "I'm running a lot of cons" like Ocean's Eleven. When I'm volunteering to listen to God with children at my parish or coordinating bringing a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd formation to my city, those people might not know I'm also hosting dinners (though if I get to know them they'll be invited!), and a number of dinner guests don't know I'm an electrical engineer and I worked on military communications systems and product development... As St. Paul talked about, all things to all people!
This is such a fascinating approach to home-making! Really love what you say about screens -- I've said to Andy that I'd like our kids to first see movies at the theater as a family so that they learn it is a rare and community-centered activity. So many other great nuggets in this!